€mployment

I had my first paid work this week, teaching English to six separate classes of middle-aged engineers.  The language school I walked into by chance to drop off my CV had double booked one of their teachers for the week, and so were happy to disregard my lack of any kind of teaching qualification.

The brief from them was clear, and the bar was high.  "The most important thing is that you arrive.  I don't care what happens in the lesson, they'll just be pleased to have someone there to speak English with.  But if you don't turn up, that's bad."

I did turn up, taught my lessons with some success, and went to the company's HR department to pick up my timesheet.  It was a trademark HR office: miles away from the rest of the business, full of women and completely bonkers.  It reminded me of the amazing admin office in Green Wing.

 Here's a conversation I had with their HR Director on my last day which could have come straight from that show:

HRD:  So did you enjoy your time teaching here?

ME:  Yes, very much.  I'd like to come back.

HRD:  Well, you've certainly made an impression.  I hear your methods are quite unusual - climbing and dancing on the table?

ME:  Um, I was trying to teach prepositions.  You know: over, on top of, underneath...

HRD:  Excuse me, can I interrupt you for a moment?

ME:  Yes.

HRD:  I've been wanting to say this to you all week.  You smell amazing.  Brigitte, look, come here...

At this point, I was smelt by a small group of women who all agreed that yes, I did smell lovely.

The good news is that I escaped unmolested and have now earnt my very first Euros.  I'll let you know if I get invited back for some more table dancing - hopefully of the academic kind.