Saturday 7 April 2012

Tennis

I've been getting more auditions to appear in adverts here in Germany. Getting one would be amazing, as they pay at least ten times better than a day's work as an extra.

The last audition I went to was for a well-known fast food brand. The concept involved the customer being distracted at the counter by what he takes to be noise from a women's tennis match on TV, but is in fact two people enjoying their meal inordinately.

After playing the scene a couple of times over, they asked me and the guy I was auditioning with whether we'd also 'read' for the part of the couple noisily devouring their food.

"It's the director's idea," the casting lady said. "He's worried that the original concept of two women might come across a bit sexual."

We were given a croissant each, which we had to bite into at intervals and grunt. I started tentatively; my partner replied with gusto.

"More!" shouted the woman. "More, more!"

I bit harder, and groaned louder. Our grunts increased in pace and intensity as we chomped through our croissants, spewing little clouds of pastry from our mouths with every exhalation. The competition was fierce - it's possible only one of us would get the role - and so when my partner switched from grunts to groans of pleasure I followed suit.

After a minute we were told to stop, and we looked at one another sheepishly. I felt like we'd shared an embarrasing and intimate experience.

We filed silently out of the room to find a couple of girls waiting to go in.

"What on earth were you doing in there?" asked one of them. "It sounded like you were making porn."

 

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